He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
