How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
