An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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