Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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