mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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