East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We had sex on a dog bed..
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Your penis caused this!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
