Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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