Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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