Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
