He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
