This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
