eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
