she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
