god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
