so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
