i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There r osticjed everywhere
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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