I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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