I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
