Your face is a jimmy john
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
