So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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