You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
