Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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