just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
