Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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