I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
