atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
