Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
