i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
