Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
