return my video game
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
