Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
