I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
