12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
