Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
