He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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