i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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