Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
