I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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