i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
