dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
