He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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