i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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