He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
