Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
