Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
