How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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