Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
