I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
