I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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