i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
it glows. i had to have it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
